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Saturday, January 28, 2012

From my window…

the outside world is very colourful.  

I love standing outside my little cottage, puffing on my cancer stick, in fresh air, with temperatures of 3 degrees celcius, and a gale gust freezing my fingers off as I hang on defiantly to my suicide stick.   As it blows icily on my naked face... I sigh... ahhhh.... bliss... 

Now, now, it is bliss, indeed it is for the fact that after 3 hours, I can finally come out for a quick puff of my "fag"... yes, what else did you think the "ahhh... bliss" was about... its flipping cold out you know... 

As I exhaled out, I observed the smoke exude from my mouth, and thought, "wow, I am certainly getting a lot of smoke out".   I wonder if English cigarettes produce more smoke? Hmmm… I thought to myself.   And still the smoke kept coming out of my mouth ... "wow, I'm impressed with these English cigarettes" I smiled to myself.
Yes, you can stop smiling now.
Duh, it took a whole 1/2 minute for me to figure it out ... duhhhh... I had for a moment, forgotten it was mid-winter ok, and elementary science should have kicked in at this point but maybe I was having a brain freeze.

Maybe it would be cheaper, if I just stood outside and breathed in and out ... "smoke" will still come out of my mouth ... do you think I could trick myself into thinking I'm actually smoking... would that work?  hmmmm....  

So unlike when I was Singapore, when I would take sanctuary in my room, and in the cool air conditioning, here, I would need to get my air conditioning outside as its very warm inside and we are not allowed to smoke inside.  New ruling from my other half.  It really doesn't matter, as I still get to see the world go by and I am still in the cool... though perhaps I should say cold!  
I still manage to observe interesting goings on around me. ;-)
Like the guy who zooms past me every morning, in his fluffy animal hat ... its the “in” thing this winter... it looks like a dead furry animal decided to die on your head ... seriously NOT CUTE!  but the wearers think its neat, so lots of people are walking around smug and thinking that they are fashion innovators with this scary animal “hat” on their heads.  Seriously, I cannot take such people seriously... picture this scenario:
Receptionist :   you’re here for a job interview? 
We’re hiring bunny wunnies right now.
*you wont make it to the interviewer’s room with that hat let alone get past the receptionist.  She’s the front line for the staff inside the office – no mad people can go past her.

Anyway, back to my story … go back afew lines, and remind yourself eh …
This guy has the skinniest, flattest butt of all time, and as he speeds down past me, he's swinging his tooshh to the left, to the right,  full swing ahoy!... seriously campy ... I'm tempted to tell him, he needs some meat on that toosshh if he aims to attract any kind of attention.   An unpadded toosshh just doesn't do it.  
To top it up, he wears a haughty look on his face too as he struts past ... Naomi Campbell on a good day would not be able to pull this look off ... I'm telling ya... I have this urge to run behind him and slap his skinny toosshh.  But I am afraid that if I do that I might hurt myself on his skeleton.

Then there's the cats, a whole range of them, roam our street.  And these cats, are not cat size, no no no... they are dog size!! OK little dogs but geeezz... they're big muscular, and fluffy things and like the young man, they strut too... I wonder if there's something in the air ... hmmm... 
They take to the pavements as if its a cat walk ... errr... runway... oh lord... that's it I stop here... you figure what I'm saying now and imagine what these cats are like.
One black furry monster, came round the other evening and mewed outside our door till we opened the door to it. It just stood there, and stared at me and then walked away.  Just like that.  Err... what??
Did the black cat know we were the newbies on the street and wanted to see who we were??? err...

Then another cat, one afternoon, came round from the top of the road, it was beautiful, long haired, blue, white and grey coloured... what a beaute it was, and ginormous too.  It stood in front of me and just stared.  Of course, I tried to talk to it, it was beautiful, I just had to talk to it.  Well, it watched me with an amused look, tilting its head to the left then to the right, then abruptly, it STRUTTED  away back to where it had come from, leaving me feeling most dejected.  Couldn't she (too pretty to be a "he", or it could have been a pretty gay boy ;-)) hahahahaaaa.... couldn't she have at least come close enough for me to tickle or pat it and allow me the luxury of a purr at least.  No, the darn thing, just struts its plump toosshh off away from me... and it was a nicer toosshh too ;-) than you know whose. 
Other neighbourhood cats have passed me by on the street too; and gave me nonchalant glances from afar.  I guess word has gone around the cat community that there's a new lady on the street already.  And none seem too interested ... ahhh well, I guess I will get used to it soon enough.  Its not so flattering when cats don't pay you any heed though.
Cats can make you feel so unnecessary to requirements can’t  they.  But they have made more of an impact then any of our neighbours, mainly because its winter and you hardly see anyone, except for the skinny campy guppy with no toosshhh ;-)

And yes, I still love cats, even if they behave like doyans and prima donnas … and make you feel like a second class creature because you are not part feline.

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